Hi blog readers. Been a little while. I’ve been kind of laying low in the world of TTC (and the world in general, I suppose) as we wait for IVF, when our lives will revolve around medication, and doctor’s appointments. About which I will likely at least complain, if not blog, about regularly.
I’ve also, ashamedly, taken up World of Warcraft again. This month off was supposed to be for us to better ourselves, mentally and physically, as we prepare for IVF. We were going to get back on track with the diets and whatnot, and get back to working out. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Maybe, personally, my preparation (or at least catharsis) comes in the form of self-indulgence. Namely in the forms of WoW and poker, but there has been some drinking in there too. You can also bet I’m going to eat as much sushi as I can before I’m “not allowed” to anymore. 😛
Anyway. My boss quit a little over a week ago, so things got shuffled around at work, and I now have three shifts a week! Hooray! Unfortunately, none of the times I work coincide with times Andrew works. I work Tuesday night, and Sat & Sun mornings. Whee! Quality time is overrated. So we’ve decided to make the most of the times we both have off, even if there never is a full day we both have off together.
Saturday night, we went out for delicious barbecue. Followed by delicious ice cream, at a local place that often serves unique flavors. The first time we went I had “Blue Moon” which has a trademarked secret recipe which somehow makes it taste exactly like Froot Loops. No joke. It was delicious. (I’m getting to the point, I promise, I just ramble) We were a little disappointed this time, though, because most of their flavors this week were glutenous in nature: such-and-such pie, or cake, or crumble… and so I couldn’t eat them. I got cherry vanilla, which was good, but not exactly special.
This ice cream shop also displays and sells artwork for local artists, and it’s usually something good. The first time it was fancy decorative letters, such as for a name in a Nursery. This time, I pointed out that they were no longer on display, and that was a shame because I really liked them… But even so, that was one “cart-before-horse” purchase I was not willing to make.
Instead, there were Star Wars themed posters. There was a Princess Leia in a gold bikini that said “Slave.” A fanciful Darth Vader that said “Lord.” And so on. They were really cool, and I almost wanted one.
As we’re leaving Andrew points out the one of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru that says “Adopt.” Which was really cute–they were all relatively clever. And for some reason made me break down in tears. So many emotions wrapped up in that one little word.
My best friend (also named Andrew) is adopted (and awesome). Two of my cousins are adopted. I am totally on board with it. At the same time, I am terrified that IVF isn’t going to work. I know that if it fails, and we go through with adoption, it will be a huge adjustment–shifting expectations. We’ll make it work, but it’ll be hard. I suppose we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.
I guess seeing that poster just brought all those emotions to the surface at once.
Anyway, it makes me think about something I’ve seen as somewhat of a theme on my message boards and whatnot. Many well-meaning people will say really un-helpful, and sometimes even hurtful things without thinking. “Just relax.” “Just do IVF.” “Just adopt.” I’ll try to stay off the soapbox here, and only say: Trust me. There is no “just” when it comes to IVF or adoption. One does not simply walk into a fertility clinic and get knocked the F up. One does not simply walk into an adoption agency and walk out with a baby.
And as for relaxing… yeah, if that worked that we wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. kkthx. Seriously, I had one of my coworkers tell me to smoke more pot. Really?
Ok, enough ranting. RESOLVE put it better than I ever could, anyway: http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family–friends/infertility-etiquette.html
So. I made Andrew promise that if we adopt, we must get that poster. 🙂