2013: are we there yet?

Last year at this time I was ready to kick 2011 to the curb, convinced that 2012 had to be better.  I guess it was, but kind of only by default.  At least I didn’t have any miscarriages.  But, then, I spent the entire year with a barren empty uterus.  Even the nuclear weapons of fertility, IVF, couldn’t get me pregnant.

So, here’s hoping that 2013 is my lucky year.  I am hopeful that it’ll happen, yet terrified that it never will.

Here goes nothing.

A very sleepy Christmas

What a weekend….  Saturday, I worked my usual long shift.  Sunday, there was a big football game on, and lots of my coworkers had plans to watch it, so I ended up working a double shift.  I worked from Noon to 4am.  Whee!  Then I worked yesterday Noon to 1:30ish… because nobody wanted to work on Christmas Eve.

Oh, I almost forgot the most fun part, where our foster kitten vomited blood yesterday morning as I’m sleepily trying to get ready for work.  Thankfully he’s fine, but Andrew took him to the emergency vet while I was at work… and there was lots of added worry/stress.

Anyway I got home a little after 2am last night (I guess technically this morning) and had a dinner of Cincinnati chili.  Then we opened presents.  🙂

My favorite is actually one that I picked out.  Remember I mentioned a Star Wars picture, in this post here, well, I told Andrew I wanted it for Christmas.  And voila!

adoptHe had it professionally framed, and I think they did a fabulous job.  I’d just assumed the frame would be black, but the red is fabulous.  For anyone really interested in the Star Wars series, here’s the FB page for the guy who did them.

After rereading my original post, I should point out that we aren’t moving onto adoption — at least not at this point.  We’re still working with the warm fuzzy fertility clinic, and Dr. Lady, and very hopeful that this will give us a baby (or two).  I just decided we needed the poster, regardless of whether or not we adopt. 🙂

I also got lots of other goodies.  Including some sexy things… wink wink, nudge nudge. 😉  Lots of candy and yummy things, too. Overall a very good haul.

Possibly one of the hardest things today is seeing all the adorable babies/small children so happy with their Christmas presents on Facebook. 😦  But, I’m trying not to be too much of a downer here on Christmas.  Even if AF decided to show up just in time for Christmas…

Anyway, Merry Christmas from all of us, including Chad the foster kitty, who’s been laying on my chest the whole time I’ve been typing this. 🙂

Chad

 

Wait, what? IUI?

So we met with Dr. Lady today.  And I was pretty surprised that she recommended we try IUI + injectibles (basically the same as IVF meds, but a lower dose).  Instead of another IVF.  I asked about doing that after our first 3 Femara IUIs failed, but she said she thought IVF was our best chance, and with injectible IUI there’s a high risk of multiples, and she would cry if she gave us triplets.  Yes, she actually said she would cry (and I believe her).

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Follow up tomorrow

We have our follow up with Dr. Lady tomorrow.  I’m feeling a little bit anxious.  Maybe it’s the deferring decision-making, and knowing that tomorrow will make it harder to defer decision-making.

Another IVF is the next step, definitely.  But which doctor?  Which protocol?  Do we add the growth hormone?  And do we gamble on two IVFs being better than one, and go for the program where we’ll save money if we sign up for both at once–but spend extra if the first one works?

I said before I thought, emotionally, I’d only have one more IVF in me.  But if that one doesn’t work, am I ready to give up the hopes of a biological child yet?

Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

Side note, my manicurist asked me if we were going to have children.  I told her we’ve been trying, so hopefully soon.  She then asked how long we’ve been married, I told her close to 4 years, and she said something like “yeah, it’s time.”  I know she meant well, but, really?  Why do random people who don’t know you very well think it’s their business to ask about having kids?  Grr.

30. And a second opinion

So I turned 30 on Thursday.  We had a party on Saturday.  Not as many people showed up as I’d anticipated, but it was still a lot of fun.

PartyPosse

 

After all the excitement was over, Andrew and I sat down to fill out somewhere in the neighborhood of 30-40 pages of paperwork for a new fertility clinic.  Don’t get me wrong, we love our current place, and our current RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), but we wanted to get a second opinion just basically for sanity’s sake, I suppose.  Also, it helped since we weren’t able to get an appointment with Dr. Lady (our current RE) until 12/18.

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Five days until the big 3-0

Yup.  December 6th I will turn 30.  I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet, because TTC and IF have been pretty all-consuming.  But it’s kind of a big deal.  I mean, as far as birthdays go. We’re having a party on Saturday with some friends and Family, it should be fun.  Of course, I was really hoping to be able to share some good news, and not drink… but in lieu of that, I’ll just get smashed.

When Andrew and I first started talking about TTC, somewhere around 2 1/2-3 years ago, before he was ready, I asked him if he thought it was reasonable that we’d have at least one kid before I turned 30, and he said absolutely.  Now I’m not even going to be pregnant in time for the big birthday.  *sigh*

Anyway.  The party will be fun, and it’ll be good to see people.  So that’s enough of a pity party for today.