11w1d and waiting

6 days until my NT scan.  And then two days after that we fly to CA for my SIL’s 30th birthday party!  Big week ahead!  Last time we went to visit my brother was right after the m/c, and (much to his frustration) we’d just started the Atkins diet, because we needed to lose weight, and something else to focus on besides the m/c.  So maybe that holds some anxiety for me.  I’ve got a big scan right before we’re supposed to go to CA, and the irrational part of my brain is afraid history is going to repeat itself.  But I digress…

OTOH, I suddenly had the realization that I have *no* idea what I’m doing.  I mean, as far as being a Mom.  I spent so much time TTC, and learning about the process, hormones, fertility treatments, and making some great friends along the way… that I haven’t really done any research about parenting.  Cloth Diapering, swaddling, and so many MANY other things (many of these things people have a strong opinion on) that I know absolutely nothing about.  I know that there is probably way more information out there than I could possibly digest, let alone need.  But I haven’t really looked into any of it at all yet.  I’m still waiting, I guess.

After the NT scan, we’ll probably go public.  Assuming everything looks good.  Which I have no reason to think it won’t, but I’m still anxious.  Maybe after then I’ll believe it more.  But if the first 3 u/s didn’t give me peace of mind….  The down side to having so many early u/s is that it feels like it’s been forever since we had one.  6 more days.

But yeah, I feel like I’m still holding my breath.  It sucks.  They call it PgAL brain (Pregnant After a Loss)… and I guess it never really goes away.  Well, maybe once I’m holding my baby.

Is it Thursday yet? =/


2 thoughts on “11w1d and waiting

  1. I hope Thursday gets here quickly for you!

    PgAL brain blows. I don’t know if it ever goes away, but your fears change and in some ways, get easier to deal with. That being said, if it disappears for me in the next couple of months, I will let you know.

  2. Congratulations! I was nervous about my nuchal scan, too. I’m sure yours will go well. I’m hoping Thursday gets here fast so that you can be reassured by another peek at your baby.

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