My baby is in disposable diapers, and drinking formula, and I have to be OK with that

Oh yeah, and I can’t wear her right now.  A week ago, she was eating nothing but breast milk (though sometimes from a bottle! Gasp!), wearing cloth diapers, and I took her for a walk in the Ergo.  Now she’s drinking formula, wearing disposables, and I probably won’t be able to wear her for a while (though, I suppose Andrew still can).

So I’m a terrible parent, right?

No.  I’m not.

Friday night I started having some serious I-want-narcotics pain in my lower left side of my abdomen.  Sunday morning, the lighter and more delicate of my cats walked on my stomach, and the whole thing cramped.  I tried pepto, ginger ale, and anything else you can think of.  No dice.  So Sunday night, I went to the ER, and it turned out I had an abscess.  I just got home yesterday.  I spent 4 days in the hospital.  And am now a lot better, but still recovering, and tired, etc.

I didn’t feel well enough to breastfeed her Saturday or Sunday, but I tried to pump as much as I could.  But once I got to the hospital, I could barely sit up to pump as often as “oh my god my boobs are going to explode if I don’t pump!”  Which was about every 8 hours.  So, big surprise, my supply tanked.

So she’s taking formula.  And has a pretty nasty diaper rash, possibly related to the formula.  So she’s in disposable diapers.  And considering the problems were all in my abdomen, I probably shouldn’t wear her until I’m feeling better.  Though I think that last one is more a matter of convenience than anything else.

I know that feeding her enough, and taking care of her diaper rash are more important than anything we wanted to do.

But I still feel like a bad mom.  And I know I have to let go of that.  *sigh*

It’s not like I think other moms who give their children formula, or put them in disposable diapers, are bad moms.

The fact that I couldn’t sit up, in agonizing pain, and pump, does not make me a bad mom.  I am doing everything I can to get my supply back.  But I really hate the pressure I feel to breastfeed… even from Andrew.  I hope re-building my supply goes well.  Because there’s a part of me that just wants to throw in the towel. 😦


1 thought on “My baby is in disposable diapers, and drinking formula, and I have to be OK with that

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling pressured. It’s bad enough when you’re down on yourself because you can’t do the things you want for your kid. It’s so much worse when it comes from others, too. I hope your supply comes back up for you, but if it doesn’t, know that you did the best you could and I, for one, won’t be judging. (I can speak for the other ITFBers and say they won’t be either.)

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