Benched.

So I had my CD2 lining and cyst-check ultrasound.

Guess what, I have a cyst.  Hooray.  So the IUI is cancelled for this month.  Basically it’s not a good idea to take the drugs because the drugs will only grow the cyst — bad times.

FML.

However, it will not prevent me from ovulating, so I guess we’re stuck with the old-fashioned method this month.  *sigh*

In other news… last  night we spent our Valentine’s Day looking at adoption agencies online.  There sure are a ton of them!  I’d clicked on a bunch of them, and pretty much narrowed it down to three.  Though one of the three is mostly foster-to-adopt, so I don’t know if it’s for us.  We’ll see though.  Andrew seemed to like my choices, but it’s really hard to get a good sense just from a website

Anyway, I called all three today, so at least I’ve gotten the ball rolling.  Maybe not rolling very far as I placed calls at 3:30 on a Friday before a holiday weekend… but still rolling. 😛  I’m waiting for info packets from two, and have also signed up for info session meetings at two of them.  So, here goes nothing.

Trigger watch ’13!

I keep thinking about how I wish I had to willpower to wait to test.  Especially since my official test date is Valentine’s Day.  But I know myself too well, and I don’t.  So that means testing out the trigger-because that’s pure hcg, or pregnancy hormone.  So I watch tests get lighter until the second line either goes away and (hopefully) comes back, or never fully goes away and gets darker.  Well, obviously in all my experience, it’s just gone away and never come back.  But you get the idea…

Also, if I waited until Valentine’s day and it were negative, it would really suck, so I’d rather know sooner one way or the other.

For the first IUI, I started watching my trigger like two days after I got it, or the day after the IUI.  Which was, in my opinion, completely unnecessary.  So now I wait a few days.  I finally tested this morning, at 7 Days Past Trigger (dpt) / 6 dpiui.  And the line is pretty damned faint.  It will likely be even more faint tomorrow.  We’ll see.

I guess that’s a whole lot of word vomit to say I don’t know anything yet.  But I wouldn’t expect to know anything yet anyway.  But at least testing out the trigger gives me a little something to do, and I feel like I have some power over a powerless situation.  Well, not really, but at least I’ll know as soon as possible if it does turn out to be positive.  But, I know my chances are pretty low if I don’t have a positive by 12dpo/dpiui.  So that means I could be in limbo for up to six more days.  Which in the long run isn’t necessarily that long.  But when you’ve spent so much time wrapped up in something, and want it more than anything, you go a little extra crazy during the 2ww.

Which is what I’m pretty sure I sound like right now: a crazy person.  Probably because I am. 😛  But that’s all I’ve got for you today!

IUI Tomorrow!

Our IUI is tomorrow at 1:45!  (West Coast time!)  Please send whatever vibes/finger crossings/etc. our way around that time if you think of it! ❤  We are probably looking at 3-4 mature eggs.  So, here’s hoping!
Update: My estrogen just came back at 745, which at ~200/mature egg, is right on track with that 3-4. 🙂

And here’s an amusing aside.  This might get a little gross, but 5 of the last 6 days I’ve had my legs in stirrups being uncomfortably probed with an ultrasound wand, so suck it up, I’m talking gross.  (I will at least have the courtesy to put it behind a cut if you don’t want to read it :P)  Continue reading

What did I say about change?!? >.<

So my IUI is Thursday, instead of tomorrow.  My lead follie is only 17ish, and Dr. Lady said if I’d never done this before, we’d trigger today, and do IUI tomorrow.  But with tomorrow we’d probably only have 3 mature.  Waiting one more day gives it a little more time for more to catch up.  In this case, according to my doctor, more is better.  I’m trusting her.  She wants 4-5, and waiting one more day should do it.

So why am I so frazzled about this relatively minor change?  Maybe it’s in part because I’d already taken the day off tomorrow.  In the grand scheme of things, I don’t really mind giving up one shift.  Even if it’s one of my best shifts (4 people working means it rotates, and every 4 weeks you get first pick of the longest shift — that’s me tomorrow, or would’ve been).

Dr. Lady also said there’s no right answer.  Which is what she said in our meeting when we debated another IVF vs. IUI + injects.  I hate that there’s no right answer.  She also said that if we did IUI tomorrow, and it didn’t work, I might wish we’d waited that one more day.  So, that makes sense.

I just feel like I’m kind of throwing darts at a dartboard… with a blindfold on, to see if anything sticks.  Maybe it was the “there is no right answer” part that has me more frazzled than the one day change.  I want perfection.  And I have to accept that there is no perfection here.  Baby(/ies) or no baby.

Do or do not.  There is no try.