Changes

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Anyway.  I’m starting a new blog.  My life is changing a lot, so I’m starting my blog journey over.

If you know me, and want the site, message me somehow.

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Lactation cookies

Yesterday I made lactation cookies.  Despite the fact that my baby girl hasn’t had any formula since Friday, I am now a little paranoid, and would love to be able to create a freezer stash.  Even a small one.  I had zero built up stash when I went into the hospital.

Anyway, here are the cookies:

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I think they’re already making a difference.  Yesterday at 3am I pumped just over 4oz, today at 4am I pumped close to 6 1/2.  And I’ve been able to feed her entirely from my boobs, instead of having to add some that I pumped into a bottle.  So that’s progress!

She’s also back in cloth diapers.  Her rash seems to be gone *knock on wood.*

So things are slowly returning to normal…

So…

roller_coaster

So, in the last like 4 days, I feel like my life has turned into this.

I should preface this with: baby girl is doing fine!  It’s not really about that.  My BP is consistently higher than I’d like, but not in the “call the doctor” zone they gave me.  I have another growth scan and appointment on Thursday, so I’ll ask if we should (further) up my meds.  And I know part of that is my slightly tight BP cuff.  I ordered a bigger one, and it doesn’t have the right plug for my machine (even though I called the company and asked which one to order!  Grr!) so I’m just using the one I’ve got, knowing it’ll run a little high, but give me a decent picture — so, better than *not* taking my BP at home.  If it gets super high, I’ll probably run to a drug store and take it there.

ANYway.  The roller coaster part is, I’m almost 7 months pregnant.  And we’re still considering a huge life change (besides the upcoming baby).  I don’t want to post too much about it until we know more.  It could be many months before we make something happen.  Or maybe not.  We’ll see.

What did I say about change?!? >.<

So my IUI is Thursday, instead of tomorrow.  My lead follie is only 17ish, and Dr. Lady said if I’d never done this before, we’d trigger today, and do IUI tomorrow.  But with tomorrow we’d probably only have 3 mature.  Waiting one more day gives it a little more time for more to catch up.  In this case, according to my doctor, more is better.  I’m trusting her.  She wants 4-5, and waiting one more day should do it.

So why am I so frazzled about this relatively minor change?  Maybe it’s in part because I’d already taken the day off tomorrow.  In the grand scheme of things, I don’t really mind giving up one shift.  Even if it’s one of my best shifts (4 people working means it rotates, and every 4 weeks you get first pick of the longest shift — that’s me tomorrow, or would’ve been).

Dr. Lady also said there’s no right answer.  Which is what she said in our meeting when we debated another IVF vs. IUI + injects.  I hate that there’s no right answer.  She also said that if we did IUI tomorrow, and it didn’t work, I might wish we’d waited that one more day.  So, that makes sense.

I just feel like I’m kind of throwing darts at a dartboard… with a blindfold on, to see if anything sticks.  Maybe it was the “there is no right answer” part that has me more frazzled than the one day change.  I want perfection.  And I have to accept that there is no perfection here.  Baby(/ies) or no baby.

Do or do not.  There is no try.

I don’t like change

So, when we first signed up with my RE, she had a wonderful Medical Assistant… let’s call her Angela. (None of these are real names)  Great bedside manner, great at her job.  In our last meeting with Dr. Lady, she even admitted that Angela was too good for only being an MA, and had been “promoted” to the Donor Egg program.  Sad to see her go, but good for her!

When I started IVF, we got an IVF coordinator… we’ll call her Heather.  About as good at her job as Angela, but maybe a little less bedside manner.  Which was fine, it’s not like she was lacking in it, just a little less soft.

Right before I started the drugs, apparently Heather went to work with another doctor at the practice exclusively–whether at her request, Dr. Lady’s request, or the other doctor’s request, I don’t know.  But I was stuck with Stephanie.  Who had as great a bedside manner, but was lacking a little in the proficiency that Heather had.  It was fine, a few eye-rolls between me and Andrew, (like when she didn’t know where I was in my cycle) and not too big a deal.

But now that I’m back to IVF, I’m working with the new MA.  Michelle.  I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but she’s not even as good at her job as Stephanie… and far away from being an Angela.

So I’ve been through 4 people there.  And I’d like to think I’d be more ok with it if they were all of the same caliber.

I think I’m going to ask if I can work with Stephanie instead, if she doesn’t only handle IVF patients.  Because I have a lot more confidence in even her ability to get things done than Michelle’s.

In other news, I’m down about 4 pounds since the beginning of the year! 🙂