Lactation cookies

Yesterday I made lactation cookies.  Despite the fact that my baby girl hasn’t had any formula since Friday, I am now a little paranoid, and would love to be able to create a freezer stash.  Even a small one.  I had zero built up stash when I went into the hospital.

Anyway, here are the cookies:

Image

I think they’re already making a difference.  Yesterday at 3am I pumped just over 4oz, today at 4am I pumped close to 6 1/2.  And I’ve been able to feed her entirely from my boobs, instead of having to add some that I pumped into a bottle.  So that’s progress!

She’s also back in cloth diapers.  Her rash seems to be gone *knock on wood.*

So things are slowly returning to normal…

Hello baby!

OMG I have a baby.  A real eating, pooping, crying baby!  She does lots of all of those things.

Taking care of a tiny baby is hard.  Like, I knew it would be hard, but this is HARD.  I am exhausted a lot.

But honestly?  I wouldn’t change a thing.  I love her so much… even so much more than I ever dreamed.  Is this hard?  Yes.  Am I tired?  Yes.  But am I happy?  YES.  More than ever.

I was lucky enough to finally have a baby.  I had started to think this day would never come.  So I’m really not trying to complain here.

But, one side effect is little free time, for things like… oh, I don’t know, blogging. 😛  I have a few thoughts in my head to put down some time…. but that’s not now.

Hope to be back soon. ❤

October 15th

Ok, so that was yesterday.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day.  It’s meant to remember all the babies lost… babies that were never met, those born sleeping, those met too briefly, and those that went home but did not stay.

Last year I was on a plane home from a wedding, so I didn’t really participate.  This year, I was home, and able to light a candle at 7pm.

Candle

 

The little pumpkin is from our maternity photo shoot – meant to represent our little pumpkin, who will never know the siblings we lost on our journey to her.

When Andrew got home, we went through our memorial box together.  Talked, cried, and hugged.  It was a good.  We don’t talk about it often, especially now that there’s a baby on the way.

I love this little girl, and can’t wait to meet her — we are so excited.  But that doesn’t make my heart hurt any less for what we lost.  Even in the face of happiness, it’s really hard not to think about the “what ifs.”

There’s more going on, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Kicks :)

So, I started feeling movement from baby a few weeks ago.  It was just this teeny little buzzing, and only really in one little spot.  I think it might have to do with the fact that I have a fibroid on that side, and maybe I’m more sensitive there?  Who knows.

But, of course, as she’s grown, it’s gotten stronger and stronger.  From teeny little tap-tap-tap, to more of a knocking … and lately I’ve gotten some that are even stronger.  And there are a couple of common spots now, instead of just the one.  But it’s awesome. 🙂  And!  I swear I actually saw my stomach jump yesterday!

Unfortunately, Andrew doesn’t have the patience to wait around to try and feel her kicks… *sigh*  I’m sure he’ll feel her eventually. 😛

Anyway, we’ve been working on what seems to be the one big project for the nursery: a dresser.  We knew what we wanted to do color-wise with the dresser, but knew that would inevitably mean painting it.  But, we only bought it on Saturday, and started painting it yesterday… so it’s still a work in progress–though, fortunately, almost done.  I think.  I’ll make a post of before and after once it’s done. 🙂

I’m also stocking up on cloth diapers… thanks to internet sales.  Any time I see a good sale on diapers, I have to buy some.  To the point where (once they get here) we’ll have roughly 2/3 of our stash built up.  At this rate, there may not be any need for the ones on our registry…  But, how can I resist things that will make her little diapered butt extra adorable, like these:

Royal Fluff PurpleLotus Bums Goldfish

Ok.  Post more once the dresser’s done, promise!  And we have a growth scan on Thursday, so hopefully I’ll have some cute ultrasound pictures. 🙂

Anatomy Scan yesterday! (pic heavy)

So, we had our anatomy scan yesterday.  And it went well!  Seemed like everything that was supposed to be there, was… and nothing that wasn’t supposed to be there, wasn’t. 😉  Baby’s heart is about the size of a pencil eraser, but we could still see 4 distinct chambers!  This was a particular concern of mine, because I know two special heart babies (and their amazing mamas ❤ ).

Anyway, after a while and a ton of pictures, the tech had me get up to pee and move around to get some better angles of baby, and find out the sex!  Here it is:

Continue reading

In Vino Veritas

This weekend we went to Andrew’s college reunion.  Pretty much in the middle of nowhere.  And slept in his Freshman dorm (though at least not the exact room, thankfully, as that was on the third floor).  When we planned this trip back in Late Feb/Early March, I pointed out to him that I might be pregnant, to which his response was something along the lines of, “yeah, but even if you are, you won’t be that pregnant.”  Gee, thanks hon.

So Thursday night we took the Red Eye, and arrived at our destination around 9am Friday morning.  Had a disappointing breakfast (how do you screw up eggs, home fries and bacon?) and then took a long nap.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I was excited about meeting some of his college friends.  Who were all varying degrees of awesome, but awesome nonetheless.  The logistics of the trip, however, I was not looking forward to in the slightest.  The red eye, the college dorms, the middle of nowhere small town.  Yup.  The ideal 14-weeks-pregnant vacation. 😛  Boy do I love my husband.  Oh, and PS, of his friends group I asked if there were any other spouses expected to tag along, he said one or two, but they had also attended the same school.  (Which, of course, I did not).

Anyway, long story short, I did as a whole have fun.  The two of us went out for a fancy dinner Friday night, and that helped, I think.  But yes, his friends were great.  Much fun was had, and many drinks were consumed (not by me, of course, though I did live on the edge one day and have a second caffeinated soda!).

Speaking of, Saturday night Andrew drank, a lot.  I’d kind of anticipated at least one night of awful drunkenness, and he was catching up with old buddies, so I wasn’t going to object too much.  Early in the weekend we found out one of his friends is newly expecting #2.  🙂  At some point on Saturday, I think, he asked another friend about having kids (which I guess even my husband doesn’t realize it’s a touchy thing to ask, but then these are like his closest friends ever, so…) and, as the friend put it, they’d had a few “false starts.”  Two miscarriages and a stillbirth. 😦  I just feel so bad for anyone that’s experienced that sort of thing.  It’s so unfair.  And then I felt mildly like an ass for pointing out that I’m pregnant every 5 minutes.  (Ok, nowhere near that often, but you get my point).

To my point.  In A’s drunkenness, (and he got *really* drunk) he got weepy (that’s the polite way of saying I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen him cry).  He was talking about how he loves his friends, and he wants them all to be happy, and have little babies (if they want them).  And he was really sad about what that friend has been through, and even admitted that our miscarriage was like the worst year of his life. 😦  I mean, I kinda could’ve figured that, I guess, but it’s the first time he’s said anything quite like that.  He’s way better than he used to be, but he’s not exactly the most open about his feelings and such–until he’s drunk.

So, anyway.  That was my weekend.  Long, exhausting, less-than-ideal accommodations, and especially food… A turned me into a foodie and then drags me to the middle of nowhere, ugh!  But, ultimately a good weekend, and I’m glad I went. 🙂

P.S. Doctor’s appointment in about an hour.  It was supposed to be this morning, but got rescheduled because my doctor had to go in for a delivery.  We’re supposed to hear the heartbeat for the first time. 😀  Update on that later.